New Year's Eve First Draft

Orientation:

On the last day of the year, the 31st of December, we celebrate New Year’s Eve with my family, my friends and my cousins. We celebrate it at Philippines in my house.

On the 30th of December my cousin’s family and my friend’s family went to my house. Then we played games the first game we played is tag then we played hide and seek and more.

After we play games I talked to my dad if I can walk Roshan Roshan is our dog and  my dad said, yes. So I grabbed dog food and gave it to him. After he’s done eating I walked him outside and put him back in our backyard.

After that our parents made a lot of food like soups, fish, meat, bread, chocolates and more. Then I asked if I could help and my mom said yes. So she let me do the soup.

Once we had finished making food we have to call the other first. After that they're all here so we ate the food. The first food I grabbed was the soup because I wanted to try it and because I made it with my mom.

Finally we’re all done eating then I heard a firework it was very loud and colorful. So we did the same so we grabbed all our fireworks and fire it all up. Then my father used the very long firework it was called judah’s belt then he fired it up it was louder than the other fireworks.

Next we played games again just a short game because they have to go home so we said goodbye to all of them. Then we have to go to sleep too. When we wake up there's still some few fireworks left so we used it all with my brothers.

Conclusion

I was really happy to celebrate New Year's Eve with my family and my cousins and my friends It was a really fun experience celebrating it.

Second Draft -The Lion’s attack

W.A.L.T recall  events through the eyes of an animal.

Success Criteria

I know I will be successful when my recount has a

• Title
• Orientation:  When? Who? Where? Why?
• Sequence of events:  What happened? Describe using the senses (hear, taste, see, smell and feel).
• Personal Comment:  How did the events make you feel?

W.A.L.T recall  events through the eyes of an animal.

Success Criteria

I know I will be successful when my recount has a

• Title
• Orientation:  When? Who? Where? Why?
• Sequence of events:  What happened? Describe using the senses (hear, taste, see, smell and feel).
• Personal Comment:  How did the events make you feel?

Improvements written in red.

Second Draft

The Lion’s attack

It was an afternoon on African Savanna. It was February , we were there because we are finding a river bank with our herd of buffaloes.  In our herd I'm the the biggest buffalo and we finally found a river bank to live beside.

It was early in the day, we were walking along the river bank when we smelt a pride of lions. We walked about three steps, then I  saw lions jump on the calf. The calf was shouting for help, but  there are five lions we ran to our herd of buffaloes.

Then the lions were getting the calf away from the  river and crocodile appeared and tried to steal the lion's lunch. Then the lions and crocodile were fighting for the calf and the lions got the calf.

We ran towards the lions and surrounded them. I could see  that the calf very injured and i'm very angry to the lions I charged at the  lion with my horns and the lion flew in the air. Another lion just run away, but my friend buffalo chased the lion away and there three lions left. The three lions ran away from us because they got surrounded of herd of buffaloes then the buffalo chase them.