Second Draft -The Lion’s attack

W.A.L.T recall  events through the eyes of an animal.

Success Criteria

I know I will be successful when my recount has a

• Title
• Orientation:  When? Who? Where? Why?
• Sequence of events:  What happened? Describe using the senses (hear, taste, see, smell and feel).
• Personal Comment:  How did the events make you feel?

W.A.L.T recall  events through the eyes of an animal.

Success Criteria

I know I will be successful when my recount has a

• Title
• Orientation:  When? Who? Where? Why?
• Sequence of events:  What happened? Describe using the senses (hear, taste, see, smell and feel).
• Personal Comment:  How did the events make you feel?

Improvements written in red.

Second Draft

The Lion’s attack

It was an afternoon on African Savanna. It was February , we were there because we are finding a river bank with our herd of buffaloes.  In our herd I'm the the biggest buffalo and we finally found a river bank to live beside.

It was early in the day, we were walking along the river bank when we smelt a pride of lions. We walked about three steps, then I  saw lions jump on the calf. The calf was shouting for help, but  there are five lions we ran to our herd of buffaloes.

Then the lions were getting the calf away from the  river and crocodile appeared and tried to steal the lion's lunch. Then the lions and crocodile were fighting for the calf and the lions got the calf.

We ran towards the lions and surrounded them. I could see  that the calf very injured and i'm very angry to the lions I charged at the  lion with my horns and the lion flew in the air. Another lion just run away, but my friend buffalo chased the lion away and there three lions left. The three lions ran away from us because they got surrounded of herd of buffaloes then the buffalo chase them.